Friday, May 4, 2012

Maryl recasts: Goldie, Blythe and me

No, I’ve never met Goldie Hawn or Blythe Danner, haven’t had coffee with them and our children didn’t go to school together. Then what do we three have in common? We don’t want to be called “grandma.” I’m not saying we don’t want to be grandmas but that we don’t want to be identified by a name that typically connotes an age much older than we feel. So Goldie and Blythe had their grandchildren rename them: GlamMa and Lalo respectfully.


Who knew? I thought I was the only one who was uncomfortable with the grandma moniker. But no apparently not. Grandparents.com has several articles on the subject like “How To Choose Your Grandparent Name.” The NY Times ran this topic as a story a year ago and there’s even a book titled, “The New Grandparents Name Book: A Lighthearted Guide to Picking the Perfect Grandparent Name.” As a result there are thousands of grandmas and grandpas everywhere being called something else.



The Four Grandmas
My added dilemma is that I am one of four grandmas for my stepson’s new baby. With divorce rates and remarriages continuing to rise, this is not unusual in an age of an ever-growing number of blended families. I’m on the end on the left in this photo above from the baby shower, next to the mother of the mother-to-be who is next to the father-to-be’s mom, next to the long-time girlfriend of the father of the mother-to-be. Did you get all that? We’re not normally together but for some reason we all knew to wear blue! I ask you, do we look like grandmas?  

Actually, this is my stepson’s second child. He has a most amazing daughter who will begin high school in the fall. Naturally I was much much too young to be a grandmother when she was born. She also has a few sets of grandparents. I’m not sure what she calls all of them but I just go by my first name. Truthfully I felt I didn't deserve a title that at least in the past only went to the two women with a direct blood line to the child's parents.  You have to be careful that you don't step on anyone's turf too.

How many grandparents can a grandchild have before they get confused and over-indulged?  Multiple names are necessary to distinguish each set.  And what’s my role as grandma number three or four anyway? I’m not retired, I don’t own a rocking chair, I don’t like to knit and I’d prefer not to visit the zoo although I wouldn’t mind going to Disney World again.

No matter what your station in the family, when it's time to welcome newborns to the world, who doesn't melt at their sight.
Just look at baby Savannah. She arrived two weeks early....ten perfect little fingers and toes, eyes like her father, smile like her mother....so sweet. My role is clear...just to love her.  And she can call me anything she wants.

14 comments:

  1. So true...my daughter had it all planned what each of the grandparents were to be called. Regardless, I became "Baba" to my granddaughter, Kate -- and remained so for several months. Now 2 1/2 years, she suddenly 'graduated' to "Gwamma" all on her own...gotta love it!

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    1. Thanks Jean. You reaffirm that the decision is up to the grand child in the end. And whatever they decide will be just fine.

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  2. When my oldest grandson was born (he's now 17), he had 10 (count'em .. TEN) grandparents between grandmas, grandpas, step grandmas and grandpas, great grandmas and great grandpas ... go figure! Had to be some way to tell us all apart!

    The identities I can remember are ... Grammaree, Nannie, Grannie, Mamaw, GrandpaDan, Papa Toot, Papa John, GP, Granny DyDy and he managed to keep them all sorted out ...

    And we all love our names .. and, yes, whatever THEY decide to call you is just fine ..

    It's all good and what great fun to be a grammaree!

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    1. TEN, you win. I love the names you shared. Papa Toot has me wondering! How does GranMaryl sound? It's not up to me. Thanks.

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  3. Congrats on the granddaughter! She's beautiful.

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    1. Thanks Mary, We'll get her to the beach soon.

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  4. It is such a joy to be a grandmother. I just go by Granny. It is a bit more difficult for my second husband so we have chosen mr. P (for Paul).

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    1. Joy is the right word. How could we incorporate that into the name I wonder? Thanks.

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  5. No comment re Grandmother names, but a big BRAVO on your blog! I just discovered it today via A Femme d'un Certain Age, and you have an immediate fan!

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    1. Thank you Tree and welcome. So glad to have you and that Tish sent you over. We look forward to engaging with you on future topics.

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  6. Hi...just discovered your blog here...and was surprised to find my picture there among the 4 "grandmas". We certainly don't look like the old version of what I thought grandparents looked like when I was growing up, but the name doesn't bother me at all. I have 4 grandchildren who have been calling me Gramma Carol for a while (to distinguish me from their other grandmother and two great-grandmothers). I have no idea what Savannah will call me....but, as several have said, the children seem to decide what to call us and I'm so in love with them all I don't care what name they pick! Hope to see you again before too long. Enjoy the summer!

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    1. Sorry to have surprised you, Carolyn. We have some time before Savannah talks. Interestingly I was just introduced to her great grandma as Nan thinking her name was Nancy. But Nan is short for Nana. How did we miss that one? Thanks.

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  7. First, love your blog, just found it! "GlamMa" strikes me as pathetic. When I get there (come on, boys!) I will settle on a classic variant of the "grandma" name- maybe Gram, which my mother used, and just love them to bits.

    Little screams narcissistic terror at the inevitability of aging like a contrived, cute name for this role.

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    1. Thanks Duchesse, hope your wait isn't too much longer!

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